Sucking my thumb

I've reverted to an infant stage of psychological development and am now sucking my thumb in a fetal position on the floor. Ok, not really. But sometimes I feel like it.

I asked God a few months back to completely destroy my stagnant facade and remake me in drastic ways if that's what is necessary to actually initiate change in my life. And, ha ha, now He is. And it is pretty painful.
I'm realizing many things:

1. I intentionally avoid and ignore people I really love.
2. I'm rarely capable of relating appropriately to anyone of the male gender.
3. I am so self-obsessed it's disgusting.

And the reasons behind these things are quite compelling:

1. I've been conditioned to believe that love is always paired with pain and rejection.
2. Due to a difficult relationship with my father (how many times have you heard THAT one before?!?! This is so common.) I blow the importance of male opinions way out of proportion and am way too concerned with gaining their approval.
3. I try to justify my self-obsession through past experiences, but I can't.

So, what am I going to do about these things? Here are some ideas:

1. Pray. Stop thinking so much about myself. Try to be kinder and more caring.
2. Pray. Stop blowing things out of proportion. Try to be rational instead of emotional.
3. Pray. Stop beating myself up inside. Try to be more humble and praise God for everything He's given me, including friends who love me and whom I should be loving. Also love God more. Know God more.

Man, you would think this would be more simple... Rediscovering one's identity in Christ is not an easy thing! I go over and over the truths of identity in Christ, my self-worth, loving God and loving others unconditionally, but it's harder than it looks to rewrite my subconscious habits. It will be quite worth it, I am sure. I'm hopeful!

Ok, ok, ok. So I went a little too far on the whole "inappropriate openness" scale. I'm still learning! Oh, for heaven's sake.

Love all!