Love of a Jealous Kind (and then a public health soliloquoy)

I've got this song in my head, off of the Jars of Clay "Who We Are Instead" album.

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more,
one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise,
betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind



Good song. I am so unfaithful.
I saw Shane Claiborn speak in chapel today. How can you not cry and laugh at the same time when you see all of his energy and love and sincerity and hear his convicting stories? I always wanted to be a revolutionary.

But this is what I figure: I am making a certain sacrifice (working hard, studying my butt off, going the extra mile, whatever) so that in the future I will be better qualified, experienced, and equipped to contribute to this world in an essential way. So I'm not just going to run off and move to a foreign country tomorrow. Which I could and would do, in a heartbeat, if I followed my impulses and selfish desires.
But instead I'm a bio major and I'm going to move and shake the world of public health. People always gave me a weird look in high school when they asked what I was interested in, and I answered, "Oh, infectious diseases, epidemiology, that kind of thing."
But think of the needless suffering... think of the problems just begging to be solved by anyone, anyone who will take the time. I really do care about biology. And international relations. And journalism. And history. And music. But I picked the one to which I really thought I could contribute... and honestly, I picked the hardest one for me, too. Sometimes I wish I could just give up and be a writing major and nothing more. But that just never seems to happen.
And if God wants me somewhere else, then I'll go there instead. I can love whatever he wants me to love. I will do whatever he wants me to do.

Ha, so easily typed... so hard to live out.